Monday, 22 July 2013

Anonymous no more. Yes, maybe.

So hello. It has been a while since I've wrote on the blog. It feels like coming home after a really long holiday, only you can't get through the door because of all the mail blocking the door.

So from my really bad analogy to the real reason I'm now starting to write again but first you need to know the reason I stopped writing in the first place.

It is simply because I'm not sure where my loyalty lies with Formula One anymore.

After fourteen years of splitting weekends and missing out on life adventures due Formula One. Something had to give, turns out it was me.

I've noticed in the last year or so that my love for Formula One is dying. I know personally I can get it back, but I'm not sure how long it is going to take. It's nothing Formula One has done to me. I just got lazy.

When Formula One was on I would sleep because it relaxed me so much and then I wouldn't get time to re-watch it, then when I moved house last year to back home I lost my access to Sky, so I had to rely on the BBC coverage, which is sketchy at times and I started becoming a casual viewer.

Then I started feeling sorry for myself because I felt so out of the loop, so I hid away from Twitter and from my own blog because I was worried  that without Formula One, what would I really have to talk about? When I was down in the dumps last year the blog, Twitter and Formula One kept me going. The people I spoke to kept me going. It was knowing I had a purpose with my writing and feeling like my opinion and myself personally were wanted.
Basically I have a crippling need to feel good at something and when I feel low. I make myself feel bad by telling myself I would be better off shutting myself away. So I hide away and writing is never the first thing on my to do list. The first thing on my list is mainly eating chocolate and watching really bad films.

In short I withdrew myself from the world (and by world I mean social media and even my own friends) because I thought it would be easier.

But I know that in retrospect that is a silly thing to do.

I know my posts may not be as frequent and I'm not on Twitter as often as I would like to be but like a bad relationship, I think I can change.

So I'm hoping this will be my last personal post on Female Formula Fun and it will be back to Formula One times again. I mean who hasn't missed my posts on Eddie Jordan's shirts...

You can also follow me on Twitter @squiffany if I'm ever there..