Interview with Box of Neutrals. Part Two.

So you came back for part two of the Box of Neutrals interview. 

Of course you did.

Now enjoy.

In case you missed part one. You can catch it here.
http://femaleformulafun.blogspot.com/2011/11/interview-with-box-of-neutrals-part-one.html

Do you think teams like HRT are worthy of F1, or just comedy gold?

Rob: Again, like the drivers that I don’t particularly rate in Formula One, any team to make it and be able to sustain an existence within Formula One is astonishing. When you know when you’re competing with the likes of Ferrari and McLaren with their wealth of experience and budget, it must be daunting to enter the sport and telling your sponsors you might get through the year without scoring a single point.

HRT’s existence is amazing. For a team that’s mostly self-sufficient and relies on a handful of sponsors, it should have folded months ago. 2012 will be their third year, amazingly, but they’re definitely not out of the woods.

I do feel guilty sometimes having a go at these teams, because if HRT or Lotus/Caterham offered me a job, I’d take it in a heartbeat. I don’t deny that even the slowest teams on the grid have an insanely high work ethic and put 110% into their job. Which must be crushing if even your best doesn’t go very far.

But that’s the nature of what we do! It’s all in jest. It’s hard not to find ‘This Is A Cool Spot’ funny.

Michael: Tough questions, but fair call. Personally, I find it a little difficult to have a real go at HRT beyond the confines of what could loosely be described as ‘comedy’ on our show. Mostly because I feel that the way the FIA handled the entry of HRT - and Virgin, USF1, and, to a lesser extent, Lotus - was pretty poor, and I think it’s a near miracle that these teams have survived up to this point. Lotus - or whatever the freak it’s called these days - was a really solid application, so I think that team will go on to be successful to some degree. But the others were given less time, and on top of that were significantly less organised. While that’s not the FIA’s fault, it is the FIA’s fault for approving them, and giving them the go ahead to burn millions of dollars almost pointlessly. The FIA, in a somewhat cowardly fashion, admitted that it did the wrong thing without actually admitting it - by which I mean it made significant changes to the way it assessed applicants for the 2011 season, and as a result allowed no new entries. Had the same proper tests been applied a year earlier, we would have had a stronger field of new teams, or at very least a smaller, but more solid, list of debutants joining Formula One.

I haven’t really answered you question. I suppose they are a bit funny, yeah.

Pete: Get my cow, I need some pleasure.


Was there ever a Crazy Bernie idea that you actually liked and thought feasible?

Rob: I wish I had a list of all of his crazy ideas with me so I could find one with a degree of validity. I can only really think of the ones that are ludicrous likes his medals system and artificially watering the track at random intervals during a race. I’d gladly support him if he mooted the idea of V10s and/or V12s returning to Formula 1.

Michael: Needless to say, Bernie’s plans have generally been a bit mental on the most part. Medals make no sense to me as points system on so many levels, while sprinklers defy the point - though I do think it would be a potentially hilarious addition to racing. Maybe if we had some non-championship rounds we could do it, but I would never want to see it during the season proper. However, his ideas aren’t all bonkers - although most engineers disagree with his conclusions, I think it was right for him to put emphasis on engine noise when deciding on a new engine formula. I also like some of his ‘romantic’ ideas about racetracks - setting up a circuit in New York, for example, is brilliant idea. So some of uncle Bernie’s ideas can be good - just keep him away from the technical regulations.

Pete: The FIA know that they would be screwed if...


If you were 'Conducteur' i.e. Jean Todt for one day, what would you immediately introduce into F1?

Rob: I would love to see an endurance style Formula One race. I’ve been mocked on several occasions on the programme for coming up with it, but with enough planning and foresight, I think it could actually be done.
I think it would partly eliminate the issue that we have in the sport at the moment where testing days are limited.

Michael: I continue to mock this idea, now in print form. It just wouldn’t work. Formula One cars aren’t designed to run endurance. Some of them *coughVirgincough* can barely make it through the regular distance.

Rob: If you give a non-full time driver a golden opportunity to compete in a race, then I think it can be justified. I think my inspiration is from V8 Supercars where you see a lot of young drivers, and even the ones on the brink of the pension, only racing twice a year the endurance events.

Just imagine Sebastian Vettel & Daniel Ricciardo winning the same race in the Red Bull! It would give another 24 drivers in the world to have a shot at driving in Formula One, even if it’s only for one or two rounds at these crazy endurance events.

It’s a crazy idea I know, but the best decision is my decision.

Michael: I answered this question last, because I couldn’t come up with an answer! I’m still not sure I have one, actually. I would like to see some open architecture when it comes to engines – I think Formula One is becoming a little bit restrictive these days. I mean, I know it’s all to keep costs down, which quite sensible – but I don’t like that we have an engine freeze, and that sort of thing. I’d like to see manufacturers be able to try different engine configurations – within some pre-defined boundaries, of course – but for them to try different stuff, just to mix it up a little bit.

Pete: Why does everything seem to be served with pancakes at the Pancake Parlour?


One country that definitely would deserve a Grand Prix is...
Rob: I’m astonished that Finland, a country rich with racing talent inside and outside of Formula One, does not have a Grand Prix. I’d love to see a race there, but I suspect they don’t have the money like Abu Dhabi, Singapore, India, American behind them to build their own Hermann Tilke super-circuit.

Although I suspect Bernie Ecclestone may have privately pondered the thought of Formula One going around the Ouninpohja stage in Rally Finland.

Oy, saatana!

Michael: Now that France is set to return, I’m not really sure. There’s this place called ‘Sandwich Island’ off the South American coast. There’s only a handful of people living there, so we could pretty much do what we like. It’s be an easy island to conquer, so I think it’s worth a shot.

Uhm... but how about Libya? Or maybe Iran? Both have been touted as future Formula One destinations.

Pete: Don’t talk to me about tolerance.


Mark Webber or Daniel Ricciardo?

Rob: I have, sort of, followed Mark Webber since his first race in 2002. I remember vividly watching that race when I was about 12 years old, and thinking how I’d never heard of this person before. Then again, I was 12 so I was hardly in tune with motorsport - apart from rallying. He finished fifth and I understood that it was a pretty big deal.

Once I got into Formula One a bit more when I was about 15, I was constantly singing the praises of Webber. I was always saying ‘this year will be his year!’ and constantly defending him. By the time I was in my second year of university, he won his first race. He sure took his bloody time!

That said, his journey into Formula One certainly wasn’t easy and his time in the sport has been just as challenging. To have seen him win the championship last year would have been sensational. It would have been good for Formula One, and very good for Formula One in Australia.

Webber’s hard nosed, and perhaps mildly cynical personality probably doesn’t make him the household name that he should be. Not that it’s a bad thing, but he lacks that happy-go-lucky persona that Daniel Ricciardo possesses. He’s a fiery competitor and is certainly well respected, but I think Australia having a cheeky sort of character representing Australia will be good. If the hype surrounding Ricciardo has an element of truth, he will skyrocket into notoriety in Australia. I certainly hope so, it’ll be good for us I hope!

Webber = great competitor and would love to see him win a championship.
Ricciardo = the future of Formula One in Australia. He needs to be as good as everyone’s made him out to be.

Michael: Tough choice. I think they’re both great guys - I’m going to give a boring answer and say we’ll wait to see what Ricciardo’s like once his career really starts to move. But I think he’s got a load of potential, and seems like he’ll be a great addition to the paddock, too.

I think Rob’s answer was probably more interesting.

Pete: AUSSIE PROIDE!


This is a cool spot. Discuss.

Rob: I love it! It’s not every day that you see teams adopting fake sponsors on their cars just to make it look busy. Not since the days of tobacco sponsorship when they had to obscure it with random phrases like “TEAM SPIRIT” and “DON’T WALK”.

Michael: ‘This is a cool spot’ ranks as one of my favourite ever Formula One things ever, and has ensured that HRT will surely go down with designing one of history’s greatest ever racing liveries. Children will dream of one day racing for the cool spot colours, and I imagine that in around 20 years, the colours will be brought back in all of their glory as HRT attempts to rekindle that magic of its early years.

Rob: My favourite one has to be ‘this could be you’ on the rear wing of the HRT. I found it particularly amusing when I went to the Australian Grand Prix and saw a four car train behind Narain Karthikeyan.
That said, I find it amusing that they’ve now disappeared from the cars. I’d hate to think it was our constant mockery of it that brought it to an end. Only HRT could make a fake sponsor dissolve.

Michael: Undoubtedly the best part about ‘This is a cool spot’ is that it no longer exists. HRT have managed to do the impossible - create a fictional company that went bankrupt. How does that even happen? Oh HRT, how we love you.

Pete: Horrible Racing Team. *dun* *dun* *tsh*


Do you think the growing number of buttons and levers drivers have to monitor and adjust while driving could become a safety risk?

Rob: I don’t think it’s safety risk. I think after what happened to Mark Webber last year in Valencia, I think there was a bit of an overreaction with the thought of drivers being too distracted while driving. This year hasn’t really demonstrated any serious incidents caused by drivers dialling in their front wings, KERS, DRS and engine maps. It’ll play into the strengths of the drivers that can multi-task and think on their toes. Then again if you do something long enough, you do get better at it. This kind of stuff is just second nature to these guys.

Michael: I think it could, but we’re not there yet. Last year, safety concerns were raised over the way the f-duct was being activated - and rightly so. Drivers were taking their hands off the wheel at some of the most dangerous parts of circuits. However, generally all of these gadgets inside the cars are switched on and off using buttons on the steering wheel, and there’s stacks of research that goes into where they should be placed for ease of use. So right now I’d say we’re doing all right in that sense.

Pete: Ohhhh, fack! I try to make a fucken joke and it fucken doesn't work because you guys are fuckheads.


Lotus-Genii Capital-Eric Booyeah-Vitaly Trololololo Petrov-Lada Renault GP or Lotus-Air Asia-Tony NAAAAAAAGGGHHHHH Feranandes-Caterham?

Rob: I really admire the way Team Lotus (nee Caterham) have conducted themselves. They’re easily my favourite of the new teams, and I believe they have a bright future ahead of them. The signs look promising, and with time they will be a success. Red Bull Racing took over a decade to really show any promise, if you count their spells under Stewart and Jaguar. Even Red Bull had to accept being mid-field for about four years as a constructor.

The way Team Lotus also conduct themselves with the media and the fans is something I admire. They certainly set the trend with leading Formula One into this era of Twitter and new media. For a team that has not scored a point this season and with far less resources compared to the bigger teams, they certainly sell themselves well. Just have a look at the number of sponsors they’ve managed to secure.

Renault (nee Lotus - wow that’s confusing) I respect what they do as a team. They’ve been world champions before, and such is the circle of Formula One, I don’t doubt they will be again if they hang around.

The team is in a different era to that of the Briatore Benetton/Renault days, but it has gone through the highs of being double world champions under both Benetton and Renault, and mid-field stragglers under both establishments. If they hold onto Bruno Senna for 2012, I’ll have a softer spot for that team. I think the whole Lotus versus Lotus affair made them look like the bad guys. Maybe I just really missed their yellow & black livery of 2010!

Michael: If I can say something totally unexpected, I already miss this. Next year we’ll only have one Lotus, and I bet we’ll (probably, maybe) reminisce about the good ol’ days when we had two Lotuses (Loti?) on the grid, and Vitaly Petrov used to get confused as being Jarno Trulli’s team-mate. Plus it’s been fun trying to explain the battle to people and confusing them - and usually me in the process.

Pete: I’m pouring kerosene in my ears.


Do you think the F1 organisers (led by Bernie Ecclestone) ask too much from the circuits in terms of money for holding a F1 race?

Rob: To be honest, I’m not entirely certain. By that I mean, I’m not privy to the facts and figures of the circuits and its promoters. From what I’ve observed, I think Formula One has failed to adapt to the change in economic climate in terms of where the races are staged. It has in terms of how teams spend their money, but Formula One appeared invincible during the Global Financial Crisis of 2008/9 Mk 1.

Michael: I think it’s a tough call. On the one hand I think not – purely because there’s a clever business strategy behind it. By charging a lot of money. Bernie can price out some of the ‘pretender’ bids, and assume safely that promoters that can pay large fees up front will be able to continue to pay large fees. On the other hand, the high cost of hosting a race is starting to price out some of the core Grand Prix events. We’re seeing Belgium having to alternate with France just to stay afloat, and it seems only a matter of time before the two German circuits go under – and they’re already alternating.

Rob: The likes of Abu Dhabi, Bahrain and China who have thrown millions upon millions of dollars have set the trend, and the expectation, that other circuits need to match their standards and price. It’s not feasible to expect a long standing circuit such as Spa or Interlagos to mimic the style of Hermann Tilke’s designs and the money the promoters/investors/government/omnipresent forces have poured into it.

Michael: I think it has to be accepted that Formula One is probably the biggest capitalist sport going around at this point, when you consider the vast amounts of money that travels through the F1 banks (and those of Ecclestone’s family trust, and various shifty German bankers). Bernie’s job isn’t to cater to the fans, it’s to make money for his employers at CVC. If he does cater to the fans, that’s by coincidence – in the end it’s all about money.


Rob: Silverstone has done an awesome job of improving its facilities to secure its long term future in Formula One, but Bernie Ecclestone - for whatever reason - appears annoyed that they managed to achieve what they’ve done. He’d love to go to Russia or another country willing to throw money at Formula One to host a race.

Turkey did that, and look where they’ve ended up. Formula One should not, and I don’t believe can sustain in the long term, to go to circuits throwing money at Formula One where the market isn’t really there. How could Formula One justify dropping the Belgian, British, Australian Grands Prix to race at Turkey?

Michael: One thing we are seeing, though, is that with things like the Euro debt crisis, and the financial instability pretty much everywhere in the world (the collapse of the US GP bid could be an example of economic conservatism), fewer and fewer places are going to be willing to fork out for a race. I think Bernie will have to cater for this eventually, because while he’s willing to farewell a few European rounds on the calendar, he can’t afford to lose too many, lest it detracts from the sport’s popularity which is, ultimately, what makes the money.

Pete: I don’t really endorse cheap labour, but...


What’s your favourite track on the current F1 calendar and favourite track that no longer hosts F1?

Rob: My favourite track on the current calendar would be Monza. It wasn’t an easy choice as I adore Spa, but Monza is the last of the real bonkers tracks on the calendar. Turn one is such a comically Italian corner, whereas Spa is like a celebrity with maybe one or two attempts of plastic surgery gone too far. Suzuka was certainly my favourite on computer games, particularly in the advent of the race there in 2005!
My favourite non-F1 track would be old Hockenheim. It’s so sad to see pictures of where the old track used to live covered in trees and grass. Who would have thought nature could be so depressing to see?

Michael: I have a bunch of favourite tracks. My top five would have to include Monza, Spa, Monaco, Suzuka... and India. I don’t know why I like India – it could end up being an appalling racing circuit – but my first impression seems to be that it’s a sound track to race on. I think I love all of these places because there’s a real buzz about them – and that’s coming from someone who endures nothing more than television coverage for all but one race. There’s a real sense of excitement in the build up to these races, and there’s an epic sense of history attached to them, too. Well, not India, but still. I think India qualified on the ‘atmosphere’ ground – I watched all of the Indian GP coverage, and really wanted to visit there afterwards. There’s a sense of character to the place, and I think that’s what I find attractive about it.

To be honest, I haven’t seen very much racing on any particularly great tracks that are not longer hanging around. The A1 Ring in Austria would be one, though. And I also hear that the Kyalami circuit in South Africa was pretty exciting. I’d actually really love Kyalami back on the calendar – I feel like that would be one of the events on the calendar that has real character about it. An event with character, with some personality that has an impact on you– that’s the sort of thing Formula One needs to look for. They’re the ones I love, it stops Formula One losing some of its soul, and I think it sells the brand better, too.

Pete: I want to cover John Howard in pasta sauce.


Perez, Ricciardo, Maldonado, Di Resta, Senna (to a certain extent), Hülkenberg, Raikkonen and Grosjean might return to F1 next year, who do you think will impress most?

Rob: I think a lot of these names have enormous potential in the future. Maldonado hasn’t sold me yet, but he did well in GP2 last year. There’s got to be more to him than nerfing into Lewis Hamilton down La Source.
I would suggest Perez has the greatest potential, mostly due to his connections. The Sauber team, despite its rebuilding phase post-BMW, is a solid team to be with. He won’t win a race, but he hasn’t had to win races to show his potential. Not to mention his ties with Ferrari, I would not be surprised if he’s announced as the man who will usurp Felipe Massa.

The young guys in the sport are great, and absolutely deserve their time in Formula One. I think Kamui Kobayashi, despite 2012 being his third and a half year, deserves more recognition. Nothing would make me happier than to see him in a Ferrari or whatever car is the flavour of the month.

If anything, my biggest concern would be Kimi Raikkonen returning as a massive disappointment. He entered the WRC with so much hype in 2010, and sure enough with time he could’ve established himself as a regular winner. His two years have been rather unspectacular by all accounts. And less promising than his F1 debut in 2001.

If he’s stuck with a less than impressive Williams machine next year and doesn’t fit in with the team as a leader all that well, it’ll be a disaster for both parties. I’m more worried for Williams’ sake than I am for Raikkonen’s. Certainly based on some of the notorious stories floating around of Raikkonen’s extravagant lifestyle! Which isn’t a bad thing though, as long as it doesn’t affect his ability to drive a racing car.

Michael: I’m actually really curious to see Grosjean return to Formula One at some point, just to see how much he has/hasn’t improved. He was pretty disappointing in his first year, but he was clearly overwhelmed by it all – plus the shadow of that whole Flavio Briatore thing was hanging over him a bit, I imagine. And Flavio casts a pretty big shadow. Hulkenberg is another I’d like to see in some competitive machinery. He looked good at Williams last year, and I think he deserves a chance to show what he’s worth, without having the added pressure of supplying a paycheque every fortnight.

As for Raikkonen, I’d love to see him back to see how he stacks up against what has become one of the most epic F1 fields we’ve had in a long time. It’s just a shame he’ll probably be back with Williams, and be relegated to some dark part of the midfield.

Perez I look forward to seeing mature, and I’m also pretty excited to see Ricciardo in a decent car. I’ve not really answered your question (again) I realise – I’ve more just listed all the names and said they’re all alright.

So... I think, in a good car, Hulkenberg may be the one who impresses the most. I feel like the likes of Ricciardo (and Vergne?) have a load of expectation on them, and even when they do really well we’ll all be a little less impressed than we should be.

Pete: I’m not going to try to justify my racism.


Michael and Rob: Would you rather have Eddie Jordan or Peter McGinley as your third musketeer?

Rob: Decisions, decisions! I suspect Eddie Jordan isn’t as experienced as Peter McGinley in terms of pressing the buttons on a radio show. Eddie’s wealth of experience in Formula One would be handy to have on tap, even if he’s notorious for being an odd ball.

The show was born with Peter McGinley along for the ride, so I’d want to keep him along. He’s like our warm up act. Sometimes we’ll be a bit flat during a recording, but the three of us mucking around and being idiots sometimes gives us that boost to go into the podcast sounding like excited school boys. Importantly, McGinley keeps us in check whenever we go too obscure. He represents the People. Which is a frightening responsibility and I can only apologise for this.

Michael: Personally, I wouldn’t feel as comfortable hiring Eddie Jordan a stripper. And it’s questionable whether he’d be less offensive during recordings anyway. He does have a better accent, though.

Pete: I’m the definition of sophisticated.


Why should people listen to Box of Neutrals?

Rob: So we can sell the show to a commercial network! We don’t claim to be Autosport or Joe Saward with the integrity that they hold. We still take pride in what we do and even amongst our stupidity, behind it is a very strong work ethic. I mean, I had to find FIVE cameras to record a stripper dancing around for 30 seconds and it took two weeks to edit the footage.

One comment that we get quite regularly is people telling us that they’re not really fans of Formula One, or even know what we’re talking about half the time, but they like listening to what we have to say. That’s the thing I’m most astonished by, and gives us hope that we’re hitting the right notes.

Michael: They probably shouldn’t, really. My theory is that too many people are probably listening to our show, and as a result the Euro is in a financial crisis. Plus I’m sure there are other things people could probably spend their time doing. Like watching Antiques Roadshow.

Pete: I’m a cranberry now.


What's the aim for Box of Neutrals in five years time? Where do you all plan to be?

Michael: Alive is my primary aim. It’s difficult to predict beyond that. But I suppose in a paddock somewhere - preferably a Formula One paddock - and a healthy distance away from Peter McGinley. Not because I don’t like him or anything, just because his odour can sometimes be a little offensive.

Rob: I really do hope we’re still doing what we’re doing, albeit in a far greater capacity. The plan is to get paid for what we do at the moment, and to do even more than what we do now. A lot of effort goes into the show already, and a lot of our ideas and Formula One is inherently expensive to cover. The dream is the three of us sticking together and doing bigger and better things. It may not happen! This is something I have to harshly accept as a possibility, but that’s years of cynicism talking there. I don’t want that to be the case though.

Michael: I think it’s fair to say we’d love to do Box Of Neutrals professionally – or something similar, at least. We’d all love to be paid to do Formula One stuff, and if we could get a real paid gig doing this sort of F1 news/light entertainment/stripper hiring thing, that’d be pretty cool.

Rob: I don’t think we’ll have a Beatles-esque sort of incident where Yoko Ono will get involved and screw around with our dynamic. It hasn’t affected us before!

Hopefully in five years, I’ll be able to look back on what we’re doing and be pleased that we got somewhere with it. We’ve come so far in the year and a half we’ve been doing this for, I’m nervously excited for what the future awaits.

Even if we don’t get to stick together, I’d love to spend the rest of my life working in motorsport. But how sweet would it be if we managed to still do what we do, and get paid for it, in five years time?

Pete: Vote #1, Penis MaGinley - elect your local member!

Michael: Reading back... we sure do crap on about crap.

So there you are. The longest ever interview for FFF.
Now to get all the in-jokes and references.
Go to

So check out the boys podcasts/radio show because you should. It's amaze. 

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