A couple of decades ago, this article would not of have needed to have been written. You would have a story like this in a copy of Woman's Own then in a Formula One blog.
Today I'm talking about diets. Well really more about being slim. Too slim. In fact just being unhealthy.
When I first got into Formula One. I used to always buy the F1 Racing magazine's season preview, which had all the drivers vital statistics. Mainly weight and height. Now me being a very geeky math loving child. I used to work out the BMI of all the drivers to see if they were in the healthy range. Most of them were in the healthy range and only the odd one were on the low range of normal BMI. Even though BMI isn't the best way of working out health, it is a good indictator.
But now a story has come out about Adrian Sutil starving himself for two days to test his limit. Although Sutil admits that he did this of his accord and I know the Sauber team couldn't do anything about that. It turns out that Sutil did drive the Malaysian GP without a water bottle in the car in 50 degree heat and in a race where you can lose upto 3kg even with fluids on board. I find that absurd that the Sauber team didn't take matters into their own hands and protect the safety and health of their driver.
But the Sutil malnutrition thing sadly isn't something new in Formula One. In the last few years the taller drivers have had a massive disadvantage when it comes to weight and because they can carry more weight they have to be even more careful in a career where weight can cost time.
We've seen this with Mark Webber in the past and even now with Jenson Button and Nico Hulkenburg where they look incredibly skinny (and in my opinion ill) at the start of the season. Something which doesn't sit right with me.
To combat this problem this year the car's weight was increased by nearly 50 kg, which should of worked out better for the drivers. Unfortunately though roughly 45kg of this was the brand new hybrid system leaving only a narrow margin for drivers weights.
Meaning that in even in 2014 with the amount of information we have on fitness and nutrition. A driver's health could be suffering just for the sake of a few tenths. It's completely dangerous.
A driver at the end of the day should be healthy because a healthy driver will have a higher level of concentration then a driver who is weak from dehydration/malnutrition and that is surely worth more in time then in the mistakes that could occur.
A story like this shouldn't be anywhere in today's society. Not even in Woman's Own.
If you want to you can follow my ramblings on Twitter at @squiffany.
So after an exciting Grand Prix weekend in Australia. We hardly have time to blink before it's the turn of Malaysia and the start of another early morning race.
So expect blurred vision and tiredness throughout my weekend diary.
Thursday/Friday
2am
Hoorah. I am actually up ready for FP1 however it's fair to say I'm not feeling on top form. I noticed that in the fly away races especially the back to back ones. My sleep patterns go completely awry. Luckily I managed to stay awake for 45 minutes of FP1 before realising that I couldn't hang on. So decided to go to bed and wake up instead for FP2.
Notes for FP1
Karthikeyan gearbox decided to fail.
Hamilton should good pace to top the table
Vettel showed that Red Bull didn't have the pace.
All the cars seemed to be close in terms of time.
#BOTTAS
Now instead of my alarm waking me up for FP2. It decided to let me sleep through.
So I missed all of FP2. This is not the first time this has happened. Luckily I recorded FP2 for this very reason.
Notes for FP2
More woe for Karthikeyan
Vettel still struggling for pace in 10th
Vergne and Ricciardo show their hand. Top ten placings for both.
Then Karthikeyan has some more woe thrown in.
Hamilton quickest again
Friday/Saturday
FP3.
Ahhh. So I missed all of FP3.
This lately seems a F.F.F tradition.
There is no excuse for this.
But of course I was up for Qualifying. (Because I'm good like that.) And even though it was 5am and I had to go to Sheffield later in the day. I managed to not sleep through it. I think the pack of fig rolls I brought may of helped, along with the copious amounts of coffee.
Notes for Qualifying
Bad starts for Heikki and Kimi with five place grid drops.
Massa still struggling for raw pace and dropping out in Q2
Webber out qualifying Vettel again.
Schumacher qualifying in the top three.
Hamilton and Button bagging a One-Two for Mclaren.
Saturday/Sunday
Race day. 8am.
With my alarm clock actually waking me up.
Even with the change of clocks. (Yes it gets lighter earlier but it meant a hour's less sleep. *Grumps*)
It was time to get my cup of coffee on the go, along with another pack of fig rolls. (I'm getting lardy because of this.)
Ready for another great race.
Now what I love about watching F1, is that comedy can come from nowhere. Now I tweet has the race is on. So when 9 laps in the race the rain came down and the red flag came out. So did best comedy moments.
All 50 minutes of non racing was filled with entertainment that consisted of Gazebo chat.
Who had the best gazebo?
Who was doing the BBQ?
Why did HRT only have a Tesco carrier bag?
Then it turned into a scene from the Carry On films because we started perving on the wet drivers/team members. Ooo Matron.
Then it came full circle back 2009 with a W.W.K.D.
Or the long version. 'What would Kimi do?'
We all secretly hoped he would get the ice cream back out. Sadly this was not to be. Even if Lotus did get the Ice Creams back out for him.
Luckily the race did start back up again but under the safety car.
When the safety car came back in. The fun could begin again. And boy did it. We had Button lose his front wing. Then Vettel got a puncture.
I may of had some micro naps between all of this going on. But I managed to stay awake when the fight for the lead was between Ferrari and Sauber. (Words I didn't really expect to say this year.)
And even though Perez had a moment off track and couldn't catch Alonso back up. It was worth me having Horner jiggly leg for.
It was pure racing at it's best. F1 is definitely back and it has come back swinging.
Notes for the race.
Rain
Red Flag
Gazebo's are entertaining
Grosjean failing in the race for the second week in a row.
Karthikeyan injuring several cars.
Pastor losing out on points on the last lap.
Hamilton still not looking happy after another podium.
Vettel coming up with a new insult system and raising a new finger. Twice.
Button's brutal honesty
The Perez and Alonso battle.
Today was a good day to be an F1 fan.
Remember if you want to hear more of my F1 ramblings. You can also follow me on twitter @squiffany
So in this week's FanFormula, instead of saying words wrong. I get complete whole facts wrong. Hoorah.
(See if you can spot which ones I bugger up.)
I also get a little bit too excited and also may have ended up having a small rant to myself.
So cock up's and rants.
Just another typical FanFormula video then. :)
So on to this week's questions which of course were about Melbourne.
Question One.
Williams have appeared to have come back strong with a great battle with Maldonado but what did you make of the midfield teams today battling between the likes of Ferrari and Mercedes?
Question Two
What do you make of the move that lets back markers unlap themselves under the safety car, does it just prolong the safety car or is it fairer on those that would be out of place due to lapped cars?
Question Three
If you watched via Sky what is your overall opinion on their team and the coverage?
If you watched via BBC how did you find watching the highlight show rather then race coverage? Did it lack the excitement knowing that the race was already over?
Bonus Question
What was your favourite moment of the weekend?
Don't forget if you want to see this week's full FanFormula or to join in yourself. Then you can see all the info you need at
http://fanformula.weebly.com/
And if you want to hear more ramblings about the Grosjean Giraffe or why I think Alonso's eyebrows look slimmer. You can also follow me on twitter @squiffany
So after nearly five months.
F1 is back and I am one happy bunny about it.
Now most people who read this blog, check out my ramblings on twitter or worse (sadly for them) know me in person. Will know that I love Australia.
So to say this is one of my favourite races would not be an understatement.
However it might be one of my favourite races. It however is not the best in terms of time.
I may be an insomniac but getting up at 2am, 4.30am and 5am are not winners. Fact.
So on to the time/day confusing diary entries.
Thursday/Friday. 1am.
So some backstory...
Earlier in the day. Thanks to upgrading to Sky HD, Sky said thank you to us by sending me and my flatmate Paise £50 in Marks and Spencers vouchers, which got spent on a ton of food and alcohol that me and my friend would never be able to afford. Winner.
This led to later on in the night. Me, Paise and our friend Jennie. Drinking quite a bit of this said alcohol and eating cake in honour of the 1st birthday of F.F.F.
So by the time FP1 started I was pretty away with the fairies. At one point the room started spinning and a lot of FP1 was a bit of a blur.
From what I remember.
It rained a lot and Massa did nothing to help his career.
I managed to stay awake between the gap from FP1 to FP2, which is a rarity.
By this point though I was verging from feeling merry to feeling rough.
So from memory.
It was raining and Kamui nearly tank slapped it right at the end.
Friday/Saturday. 5am
Now feeling a lot less drunk and hungover.
I could finally concentrate on qualifying.
I didn't watch FP3 but I caught up with it in the gap between waking up and Qualifying.
It's luckily I didn't watch it because all the action was right at the end with both Schumacher and Vettel spinning into the gravel trap.
So on to qualifying.
I love that Raikkonen missed qualifying into Q2 because he was changing his helmet. My favourite F1 excuse now...ever.
Alonso out qualified Massa even whilst stuck in the gravel trap. Massa must now be clinging on to that seat by a mere thread.
But my favourite thing about Aussie qualifying had to be the beautiful giraffe himself Romain Grosjean taking third place. I did do a massive cheer for that.
Then pretty much has soon as qualifying wrapped up. I was off to work and I won't lie it was challenging on the amount of sleep I had. Eeep.
Saturday/Sunday. 4.30am
So after a lovely mother's day meal and a little bit of sleep.
I was up bright and early, ready for the race.
Now for some reason Sky decided to start the build up a whole hour and a half before the race, which normally I would of loved.
But at half past four in the morning. It really wasn't needed. Sleep was.
So in summary my favourite/upsets of the race.
Seeing both Grosjean and Hulkenberg out on the first lap. Gutting. Hopefully we will see more from them in Malaysia
The Sauber's fighting for the points, especially Perez from right at the back of the grid.
Webber finally breaking his bogey track record by bettering his best 5th place with a well deserved 4th. (Even if he did bugger up the start again)
Maldonado crashing from 6th place on the last lap, which would have gave Williams some badly needed points.
Hamilton sulking over 3rd. I know it's upsetting losing but try to at least look happy on the podium instead of looking like a mardy five year old.
Button winning. Full stop.
And so concludes the first diary entry of the year.
So if you survived that barrage of words, you can also follow me on twitter @squiffany.
So anyone who follows me at twitter knows about my slight obsession for anything Australian.
So it makes sense that I seem to like Mark Webber.
Not just for his singing. Honest.
Now last year was always going be a tough year for Webber.
A young, smart, charismatic world champion for a team mate in Sebastian Vettel.
And a team in Red Bull that generally focuses on bringing new, fresh talent into F1.
After the loss of Rubens Barrichello from F1 in 2012. (I'm still in mourning over this.)
It seems likely that in the next couple of years we are going to lose Webber too.
Sadly in part due to his age. Mark does turn thirty six this year.
That is why in 2012. The year of the Olympics, my quarter of century and the Muppets movie.
That I'm putting my two pence in, on Mark Webber winning the world championship.
Here are my reasons why.
One.
I assume (We haven't seen pre-testing yet) that the Red Bull car will be quick and like last year reliable.
So winning car. Check.
Two.
Good end to a season, good start to a new one.
I like to believe in this theory.
Mark won the last race of the year (Okay, mainly down to a Vettel car failure but still)
So confidence will be at a high and hopefully will be maintained to the start of the new F1 year.
Three.
Mark Webber is one of the nice guys in F1.
They say nice guys finish last but I'm desperate for that to not happen to Webber.
Mark seems so down to earth and I would really love him to do well.
Like Rubens before him. I would love it if Mark went (When the time comes) out with a bang and a world championship under his arm.
I would also love Webber to get better starts of the grid but you can't wish for everything. If so I would have had that Ferrari by now.
But sadly though.
I'm not Mystic Tiff.
But I'm the same person who predicted a podium for Nick Heidfeld in Malaysia last year.
And that Fernando Alonso would win a championship whilst he was still driving baby steps in a Minardi.
So maybe just maybe it could happen.
*Crosses fingers*
Who do you think is going to win the 2012 championship?
Let me know what you think.
To hear more of my ramblings about F1 and the general state of my ovaries. Follow me on twitter at @squiffany
Since it's the F1 off season and not much seems to be going down in China town.
I thought I would mention the latest video's I have seen from Ferrari's Vrooom 2012.
Now lately what I love about F1 is when F1 teams have a party. The drivers really let their hair down.
So in honour of seeing drivers in different lights.
I thought I would compile the best of them.
This post focuses on the F1 dancers.
The ones who really know how to boogie.
Now Ferrari Vrooom 2012 produced it's own set of F1 dancers.
It might be more like line dancing but I enjoyed it.
(Don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart....)
So whilst Mark Webber moves his hips in a undulating motion. I cry at the prospect that an F1 driver is better at dancing then me.
I'm no Inspector Columbo here but I suspect that this may not be Fernando Alonso dancing...
Now here is my all time favourite dancing driver.
It is of course. My Dad.
Nick Heidfeld.
Hit it Nick.
Just remember to always "Go Nick, go go go"
Now remember if your in a club and fancy hitting the moves.
Just copy your F1 dancers and dance like no one is watching.
(Warning: Your chances of pulling may decrease if you actually perform any of the moves seen above.)
To hear more F1 ramblings and uninteresting facts about my life. You can also follow me on twitter @squiffany
Now has any regular reader of FFF knows, F1 Fitty of the week has become a regular staple of this blog.
But over the past few weeks I have been thinking of my own F1 crushes over the years.
It doesn't make pretty reading at times.
So I'm going to take you down embarrassment line and show you my F1 crushes over the years.
So let's start from the beginning.
1998 Heinz Harald Frentzen
Yep this is the worse one of them all. I don't have any excuses, but the excuse I will make is that I was very young and I knew nothing of the world of attractive men.
I have no idea how this one even came about. I think in my hatred of Michael Schumacher. I paired up with Frentzen. I think I felt sorry for him. (Back story: Schumacher's wife dated Frentzen and then left him for Schumacher)
I think this story combined with the underdog factor made Frentzen appealing to me.
The worse thing about this story was that I made a sign that sat on my desk at school saying...
Tiffany Kate Fletcher
<3
Heinz Harald Frentzen
I'm disgusted with myself.
So lets move on quite quickly.
1999-2001 Jenson Button.
When the boy from Frome first stepped into F1. I knew he would be my first true love. From the photo of Heat I placed on my bedroom door to the letter I wrote to his fan club. (I literally had no shame, but I got a nice signed photo back. Still to this day I have no idea if it's real though.)
I loved him for years, then when I was 13 he made some really stupid boyish comments about women in F1, which put me off him for a long time.
In jist saying how could women drive in F1 with big boobs etc etc. (I didn't bare in mind that at the time Jenson made the comments he was pretty young and less media trained then he is now)
But that was it. I lost my faith. But everything changed in 2001.
2001-2007 Fernando Alonso.
Literally this love affair lasted longer then any of my real relationships.
(Which says a lot about the state of my love life.)
In fact because of my Alonso love. I ended up helping out on Fernando Alonso forum for about a year and ended up meeting some of the friends I still have on Facebook and Twitter now.
I used to tell anyone who would listen that I would marry Alonso one day. The day he got married actually was a heartbreaker. (Fast forward to his divorce this year and the 2006 me would of been jumping for joy. Alas 2011 me wasn't that bothered)
Now I probably would of loved Alonso forever but the year he joined McLaren is when the crush died for me. Mainly because he insulted British fans, saying we all supported Hamilton and to be honest in general Alonso was just a bit of a dick. His smugness was off putting. Forever.
So even though looking back I can't understand why I fancied Alonso. Maybe it was the eyebrows...who knows. I still think he is an amazing driver. That can never be denied.
So from 2008 onwards there has been a drought in my F1 crush timeline. I have had the odd dalliance.
There was a brief crush moment in the last few years for Sebastian Vettel, Mark Webber and Nico Rosberg. (Who is on my is on my fridge at the moment. Yeah, long story)
Sometimes I even go back to Button and Alonso.
But I worked out a while a go. That it doesn't matter how pretty the drivers are. (Even though I blog about that side of F1 constantly. )
It's about the racing. And it will always be about that. True story.
Any interesting F1 crushes? Comment or you can twitter me @squiffany
Now this interview of the month with the Australian radio show Box of Neutrals is a little different then the others I have done before.
Let me explain why.
Well firstly this is a joint interview. So me and Martijn from That Cars Blog collaborated on the questions. A first for FFF.
Secondly we haven't personally met Michael, Rob and Pete from Box Of Neutrals (Mainly because Australia is a long way from the UK and the Netherlands) but they have been very generous with their time to answer our insane and yet sometimes serious questions.
So generous that Box of Neutrals were. That we decided to reward them with a two parter interview special. Another first for FFF.
And enjoy part one of the Box of Neutrals interview.
Please
explain to our millions of readers, who you are, and what Box Of Neutrals is.
Michael: Box Of Neutrals is a controversial Australian News and Current Affairs
programme, notorious for its sensationalist reporting, and is an example of
tabloid television where stories rotate around community issues i.e. diet fads,
miracle cures, welfare cheats, shonky builders, negligent doctors, poorly run
businesses, and corrupt government officials. For this reason the programme is
constantly under criticism and ridicule.
Rob: Michael’s pretty much covered that part, and plus I probably misread the
question in my original response so I have a story/Wikipedia entry of how the
show came to be, or be to came. Like an old wise tale.
Box Of Neutrals was born in the middle of 2010 when
Michael and I were both at SYN Radio in Melbourne and realised we also went to
the same university. And the same class - Australian Cinema.
Most of the meetings about what would eventually
become Box Of Neutrals were born out of those lectures. I’ve been trying to
find my notes where we scribbled down a list of potential names for the show,
which I’m willing to say I lost, only to save myself from the disappointment of
never finding them!
Michael and I each had separate shows, yet I found
out when listening to Michael’s old show that he was into cars and Formula 1.
Michael probably knew me first as a listener that would occasionally message
into his show. Then we sort of crossed paths and worked out some weird
co-incidences.
Speaking of weird co-incidences, Peter McGinley and
I went to the same high school. Except Peter was a year level below myself, so
I’ve technically known Peter since I was 13. Even though I only spoke to him
last year when I joined SYN Radio. So just like most things that have happened
on the show, Box Of Neutrals really came to be by accident.
Pete: I like Neil Mitchell.
Why did you decide to release the radio
show as a podcast?
Michael: Mostly because we’re what some in the industry would describe as
‘attention whores’, although we prefer to think of ourselves as ‘multimedia
producers’. The podcast mostly came about because we decided to do 2010 off-air
to figure out exactly how the show would work - sort of like practice. Then
people started to listening to that - I can only assume accidentally - so the
podcast actually became our core product. Even though we love the on-air stuff
we do today, I think that this is probably still the case - the podcast is
still the central part of Box Of Neutrals.
Rob: Box Of Neutrals didn’t start off initially as a radio show. Last year
was really supposed to be a really drawn out pilot for us. To use a Formula 1
analogy, like when Toyota spent the entire of 2001 testing before their debut
in 2002.
Even though I’d occasionally bumped into Michael,
we didn’t really know each other that well. He knew I was a font of knowledge
with Formula 1, and he was keen to do a show about Formula 1. I seem to recall
Michael become an even greater fan of Formula 1 due to Box Of Neutrals. I’d
like to think now he’s surpassed me as the font of knowledge because of the
show.
So we spent the remainder of 2010
just to find our feet quietly, build up a rapport and find out an identity for
Box Of Neutrals.
I still remember the very first time
myself, Michael and Peter got into the studio and recorded something. We had
put off doing this show for weeks, I seem to remember. So we finally busted
each other to find a time when we were all free and spend an hour in an off-air
studio to record it.
That pilot is still available on
iTunes and our website. It’s only 11 minutes long, but the recording itself was
about an hour. Sadly, the remainder of that podcast went into ether due to a
technical problem.
Towards the end of 2010, most of the
legwork was done with the show. We actively put off having a radio show on SYN
Radio until the first season of broadcasting in 2011, so we could start off as
a “brand new” programme about Formula 1.
So by the time we had our first live
episode on the radio, we had spent around 22 weeks together making Box Of
Neutrals. We already hit the ground running by the time we got onto the radio,
and it was really up to the listeners to determine whether they liked it or
not.
Michael: It’s probably worth mentioning at this point how stupidly seriously we
take the podcast. The way the radio station at SYN works is that we’ll do our
thing in the broadcast studio, and it’ll be recorded to an audio log, which
we’ll the scan through, find our show, edit it up and upload to the website.
Sometimes, however, the audio log fails, and the recording is unusable. On the
handful of occasions this has happened – and we normally discover this at about
10PM at night, some five hours after the show finished going to air – we trudge
over to the station’s production studio, sit down, and do the whole show again.
That’s some serious dedication – especially when you consider the fact we were
probably all on the way out for a Friday night at that point. I’m usually tired
because I’ve done something stupid like stay awake for 45 hours just to see if
I can, and Peter has at least once been drunk. But, dammit, we soldier through
just so we can punch out that episode.
Hire us, BBC.
Rob: I’m the one who edits them every week. My record is staying up until
3.30am the following morning. On average, I’m done by about 1-2am - depending
how distracted I get. We actually remembered and used a lot of the same gags
from our radio show earlier in the day, but at least we had a chance to refine
it this time around! Michael: Rob does edit the podcasts. We initially had an argument over who would
do it, as we each edited the podcasts for our previous, separate radio shows.
I’m kinda glad Rob won in the end - it mean I get to go out on Friday night, or
go to bed. Then I wake up in the morning, see the podcast in my inbox tagged at
4AM, and do all the uploading based stuff - writing MP3 tags, formatting pages,
writing those one-line quips attached to each episode that no-one reads -
mostly because they aren’t that good anyway.
Pete: Vote Liberal.
You do an amazing job of delivering
serious F1 related content with a comedic twist. How do you decide what makes
funny F1? Michael: If you analyse the show on a really deep level, you’ll discover that
it’s mostly Peter McGinley trying to say something funny, then Rob playing a
sound effect. Somehow, this works. It doesn’t make any sense to me, but then Two
And A Half Men doesn’t really make any sense to me either – and that’s
popular, apparently.
In all seriousness, I don’t really
know. I think it’s just that we all get along pretty well, so the ‘comedy’ (if
you can call it that) happens naturally. What you hear when you listen to the
show isn’t far from what you’d hear if you eavesdropped on one of our regular
conversations. Sometimes we even use sound effects in them, too. The soundboard
is ultra-portable.
Rob: Joe Saward, who also features as one of the in-jokes of our show, does make
a valid point about how the advent of Twitter and the internet have created
so-called “arm chaired” journalists. We didn’t want to pretend we had any
credibility. Instead, we embraced that we’re a little bit green and it helps
that all three of us have a stupidly wicked sense of humour.
Formula 1 is a very funny sport. It
features some brilliant personalities, moments and storylines, and to be honest
we don’t think a lot of the mainstream broadcasters see this aspect of the
sport. Because sport is supposed to be sport, humour isn’t the first thing you
think of when talking about Formula 1.
When you see or hear other Formula
1/motorsport shows around the world, they all pretty much do the same thing.
Talk about the latest news and happenings, and then cut to the race itself. We
knew there was no point trying to be something we’re not, and for that matter
doing the same thing as everyone else is doing.
For example, Mark Webber. Everybody
else would say he’s Australian, is teammates with Sebastian Vettel and probably
isn’t as good as Vettel. Whereas we see him as the guy that licks his face in
the press conferences a lot, looks a bit like Don Draper from Mad Men and once
vomited inside of his helmet. We also see him as a great racing driver, but who
else could even imagine to come up with half of the crap that we come up with
for these characters of the sport?
Michael: I think Peter Windsor sums it up pretty well. Like most things we do,
Windsor seems to do it better. Like with his blog, he said he wasn’t going to
write just another news blog because there are loads out there for fans to
choose from. So, instead, he made a diary-style feature website, which I
thought was really cool. IN that way, we didn’t make just an ordinary podcast,
we made one that was a little more character-driven, based on what we found
funny. I think it comes back to that ‘attention whore’ thing...
Rob: That isn’t to say other shows don’t do a good job, but we actively scour
to find the bits in Formula 1 that other people/shows miss. I’d like to think
we’ve single handedly bolstered the popularity of Olav Mol in Australia. Pete: Lefties!
Do you have a plan/script for every
show? If so, do you stick to it religiously or do you ad lib? Michael: We do, actually. Or we do when we’re on live radio. When we’re podcast
only, it’s far more relaxed and we only bring talking topics with us. On radio
we have intrinsically planned running sheets that count our show out to the
minute so finish bang on time. Then, when the show starts, we ignore it almost
completely and lose track of time, which normally makes the show after us quite
angry. But I have learnt that if I take them to the pub beforehand, they’re
much nicer to us. True story.
Rob: When we first started, it was very ad-hoc. We just booked an hour in the
studio, had a couple of dot points, maybe printed an Autosport article and off
we went. To be honest, not a lot has changed since.
We’ve got some notes, a list of news
headlines and the discussion is off the top of our heads - with prior
research/knowledge obviously. We’ve got other stimulus material for the longer
segment topics, the calendar, championship/race standings and track maps. I
actually have the 2011 Formula 1 Sporting Regulations & 2014 Technical
Regulations in the boot of my car, only because it’s too heavy to carry around
in my bag everyday!
Michael: We don’t use scripts, I should say. The only scripted parts are our
introduction lines and Kit Harvey’s alphamale reports. The rest is all us –
which is probably why we make so many mistakes, and also why we keep
accidentally disrespecting Sizzler. I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t
have even brought it up, not since Sizzler closed down.
Pete: Show some bloody respect!
Rob: In terms of scripting, there is very little apart from the intro to the
show where I say ‘we play Flavio’s mailbag’, for example. Michael actually does
his intro off the top of his head, maybe referring to his notes to see what
we’re talking about. But I have to come up with the absurd headlines, so I have
to write them down! Ditto for the “I’m Peter McGinley and I got pulled over by
the cops...[insert sound effect here]” bits of the show.
Apart from that, everything that
happens on the show is spontaneous. Apart from the time we hired a stripper for
our first episode back on the radio. At least Peter McGinley didn’t know that
was going to happen!
In which countries is your podcast most
popular? Do you get surprised by how international Box of Neutrals is getting?
Rob: Michael and Peter have more access to those statistics, but based on the
conversations we’ve had, it’s a tie between Australia and Europe. We have a
good following in the UK as I man the Twitter feed during the races through the
#BBCF1 hashtag, and plus we speak English. I’m more surprised by our reach in
places like the Netherlands and even Asia. Maybe less surprised by the
Netherlands as we interviewed Olav Mol. Michael: We don’t have much to tell us where our podcast is most popular, though
Facebook tells us it’s in Australia that we have the most listeners. After that
comes the UK, then a whole bunch of places like Belgium, the Netherlands, and
even Malaysia for some reason.
Rob: If you go on Facebook and like the Olav Mol page, we actually created
that! It has more likes than our own Facebook page oddly enough. A lot of Dutch
people write on the Olav Mol page, none of them would dare think it’s run by a
couple of Australians! Michael: I distinctly remember creating this page as a joke, after Rob introduced
me to the world of Olav Mol. For a long while it had only a handful of
followers, but now there are loads of these Dutch people joining up and leaving
comments - one of them even posted a picture of themselves with Olav! I feel a
little bit guilty - maybe I should tell him next time we see him. I feel oddly
powerful, though - I control his online image. The things I could do...
Rob: I am surprised, yet I’m not at the same time, by our overseas
followers. We’ve been quietly chipping away at creating a fan base, and
compared to this time last year, there’s been an astonishing increase. I do
hope it continues to spiral out of control this time next year. I’m hoping to
make Peter McGinley a cult celebrity in Estonia by mid-2013. Michael: It still baffles me, and puts an incredible grin on my face, that the
likes of yourself - and even Martijn from the Netherlands - sat down on your
Saturday afternoon or whenever and coloured in a picture of Peter McGinley’s
face. The frickin’ Netherlands, that’s just ridiculous. I could never have
imagined that happening, ever. It’s like Peter’s face is some sort of
trans-continental disease. In a nice way. We love it.
Pete: Go feck yourself to buggery!
You have spoken to some amazing F1
personalities for the show, including Peter Windsor, James Allen, and Olav Mol
to name but a few. Who has been your favourite person to interview? Who's next
for the Box of Neutrals grilling?
Michael: It’s difficult to play favourites, it’s a bit like trying to choose a
favourite child - if none of your children really identified with you and were
all somehow far superior in intellect and social standing compared to you.
Peter Windsor is one of my favourites, if not just because he normally gives us
so much time to talk to him. Craig Scarborough was also a great guy to chat to,
I think we had a lot of fun talking to him. Olav Mol may just top the list,
though - but I think that’s just because he was happy to catch up in person
during the Australian Grand Prix. But I really can’t say I have an absolute
favourite.
Rob: Hands down, it has to be Olav Mol. Probably because he was the first,
and only, one we’ve met face-to-face. We wrapped to talk to him, and his editor
Eric, at the end of 2010 over the phone. Imagine how giddy we got when we had
the chance to meet him!
His interview in Australia was quite
easy to organise with. He liaised with us personally, so we didn’t have to
wrangle through PR people like if we were to interview, say, Sebastian Vettel.
It almost didn’t happen because we
realised we never had his mobile number while he was in Australia after we
confirmed our interview with him via email. We knew when he would be arriving
in Melbourne, and we knew the hotel he was staying at too.
Earlier that day, we had gone to pick
up our own media accreditation, so we were hoping we could bump into him then.
I remember I had to handle it because after we picked up our media passes,
Michael had to retreat back to his civilian life for a few hours as a media
studies teacher at a high school. Too long to explain that story though.
So Peter contacted Melbourne Airport
to find out whether his flight had arrived, I contacted Olav’s hotel to see if
he’d checked in. We ascertained by about 2pm that he had neither landed nor
checked in. We planned to interview him later that evening, so we started to
stress out a little.
I almost wrote off the interview,
until we managed to find out he’d checked in to the hotel and was actually
waiting for us for some time. Except, the hotel never bothered to call me back
to tell me that Olav had actually arrived.
Michael: I would like to interrupt this monologue here and point out that it was
up to me to get to Olav at this point. I arrived back at the station after
teaching a bunch of kids who, while knowing nothing about Formula One, were
mildly impressed with Olav Mol’s grasp of the more colourful parts of the
English language to find that Rob had gone home.
He went home, I should say, because
his house was rather close to the hotel Olav was staying at. But Rob had called
the hotel something like three times, and ‘didn’t want to bother them anymore’.
The reception lady gave me the phone
number to Olav’s room, which I read aloud to Peter so he could write it down on
the computer. I hung up and asked for the number back so I could dial, but Pete
had closed the window and erased the number. Genius.
Luckily, we remembered most of it. It
took two wrong numbers, but we got him, and sorted for him to be picked up.
I now return you to your scheduled
programming.
Rob: So I organised my brother-in-law who was nearby to play chauffeur in his
swanky Range Rover to pick him up. We went to the wrong hotel, in peak-hour
traffic on a Wednesday night in Melbourne.
Finally found his hotel, thankfully
Olav was there. I tried to keep as calm and composed as I could, as I’m
naturally a bit hyperactive, and I confirmed with Michael and Peter back at the
studios that we were in fact on our way.
Even getting a studio to record in
was an absolute pain! For whatever reason, another booking had taken time in
the studio so we had no radio studio to record in. So we had to shuffle Olav,
and three separate handheld recorders in our General Manager’s office to
conduct this interview. It was Box Of Neutrals amateur hour at its finest!
We only had a limited window of time
to speak with Olav before he had to go for another engagement, but he was keen
on the interview and happily let us run late. He was an absolute joy to have
interviewed and met, a very grounded individual.
When Michael and I ferried him back
to his hotel, we gave each other a very eager high-five when Olav was out of
sight! And just like the media moguls that we thought we were that day, we took
the train back to the radio studio and then drove to see An Audience With Joe
Saward.
We’re hoping to interview Olav once
again, albeit in a far more organised manner. But the dream interviewee would
have to be Murray Walker. That was, and still is, the original #1 mission for
our show to achieve. So if Mr. Walker happens to read this, mail@boxofneutrals.com
That was a very long answer to your
question. Peter Windsor-esque, if I dare say so.
After reading that, I think it’s
worth saying that if Box Of Neutrals was some sort of dysfunctional family, I’d
see Peter Windsor as our uncle – like the kind of uncle that talks a lot,
mostly about the war. And Olav Mol would be like that wacky family friend you
have who you call uncle even though you’re not related to him. And he swears a
lot.
Pete: They should all be sent to French Island and made into compost.
To all three of you: Replace a GP on
the current calendar with a race at a location of your choice (either existing
circuit or new location).
Rob: I would lose the Chinese Grand Prix and stage a race at Imola. I think
the Chinese Grand Prix has had its chance to make an impact, and considering
China is fast becoming one of the powerhouses of the Western world, Formula 1
stuffed it up. There isn’t a motorsport culture there, and the circuit itself
hardly has any redeeming qualities. It’s an expensive fad these kind of races,
if I’m brutally honest. They’re not sustainable.
And I know Michael will say France.
Michael: That’s cheating! I wrote my answer to this first!
...Bahrain for France, easy. That way
we get to race in Belgium annually, and we don’t have to go to Bahrain. There
are literally no losers... except for Bahrain, I suppose.
Pete:
Who is, in your opinion, the worst
driver in the current grid, or who would you most like to replace?
Michael: That’s tough one, really. When it comes down to it, all drivers are
really closely matched. If you gave them all the same machinery to use, they’d
be within less than a second of each other.
Rob: I wouldn’t say I see a particularly bad driver on the grid. There are
some that don’t particularly inspire me, but if I had a one-on-one race with
any driver on the grid, I think I know I’d have to bow down to any active
Formula 1 driver. Plus Michael will just vomit.
Pastor Maldonado is one of those
drivers that hasn’t particularly inspired me. He does remind me a bit of a new
age Pedro Diniz. A lot of backing behind him, has some pace behind him, but
hasn’t really shone through this year.
Michael: Agreed. The driver I see the least reason to keep is Pastor Maldonado.
He hasn’t really sold himself that well this season, and I feel like that
horribly impetuous move on Hamilton at Spa didn’t have the markings of a future
star. But, having said that, I think he could be doing significantly better if
the car beneath him was up to scratch.
Rob: If
Nick Heidfeld were still kicking around, I would’ve said him hands down sadly.
He’s had a myriad of chances, he’s been in the sport for a while and sadly I
think that’s the last we’ll see of him. Then again, who would’ve thought Narain
Karthikeyan would come back this year?
I think Formula 1 is quite lucky to
have the calibre of drivers it enjoys this year. Even the ones that aren’t
doing particularly well aren’t really disgracing themselves. We haven’t had a
Yuji Ide in a long while.
Rob: For all the shit we and others have given to Hermann Tilke, it’s a hard
gig. This is my entry.
Circuit du McGinley
Michael: It is pretty tough to design a circuit. Our crazy voiceover man Adam
sometimes sits in the studio with us. He had a crack at designing his own racetrack
during one episode - it ended up looking suspiciously like a... phallic object.
See the dishonourable mention from the Kolouring Kopmetition.
Pete: Nuuuurrrggghhh.
Would you rather host F1 on Australian
national TV or co-commentate with Olav Mol in the Netherlands?
Rob: I’d love to tag team the Dutch commentary as an English commentator! I
think hosting the Formula 1 coverage is the great dream of ours, especially if
we could do it in the current format we do now. We’d certainly do things a
little bit differently, which is probably what Formula 1 needs in Australia. It
needs a bit more storytelling and personality like the BBC. Then again, the BBC
have a monstrous budget. 2012 will be interesting for the BBC if they can
maintain their high standards next year with a compromised budget and on-air
cast, possibly. Michael: I would love to commentate with Olav Mol, but I think there’d be a
language barrier issue. I’d probably just say ‘fuck’ a lot, and I don’t even
like to swear regularly, I just imagine he’d be that infectious.
Plus I’d really like to shake up the
coverage currently provided by the Australian host broadcaster. I think Ten
does very little with the rights granted to them by FOM, and would love to try
to change it somehow. While totally appreciating that Ten isn’t willing to
spend much money because the commercial return isn’t great, I’d still love to
try to provide something a little more unique than the generic panel-style show
we have now. Like incorporate more swearing, for example – it seems to work in
the Netherlands.
Pete: [My pants] smell like vomit.
'Oh Mark Webber, What the fuck gebeurd daar nou
zeg?' Rob: Huld hulda.. Michael: Fucken-eh.
Pete: Cows are only good for eating, and nothin’ much else.
Don't forget to come back on read part two of the Box Of Neutrals interview, where we talk about HRT, Crazy Bernie and Pete talks about tolerance.
So check out the boys podcasts/radio show because you should. It's amaze.
