A letter to Ferrari

Dear Ferrari.

Ferrari this is no Dear John letter. That I promise you.
Call this a look into your future.

See many years ago. You were a top team. A great team. With the best driver and championships at your feet.
I never loved you, but secretly I always admired you and passion for being the best. Wanting to be the best.
Skip forward a few years and something has changed.
That something was that you decided not to grow up.

However your fans and followers have grown up. A lot.
We now carry smart phones, use twitter to communicate with Formula One drivers and we understand that the press. Although can be intruding, are an important part of F1 has a business.

Lately though you just seem to be having Kevin and Perry style tantrums about everything and anything lately and quite frankly it's starting to get a bit dull.

Especially this week.
When you acted up big time.

So when the internet passed rumours that Felipe Massa has/was being sacked. You decided instead of manning up and dealing with the problem head on.
You know a good old fashion press release or a quick press conference.
You thought that at the test at Barcelona, you would ban Felipe and Fernando from talking to the press. Especially the Spanish and Brazilian press.
Thus causing more of stir then if you dealt with the problem head on.

Sadly though I believed you wanted that to happen.
By not letting the drivers have a voice, you created a media storm. Thus insuring more press coverage at the test weekend then if you actually topped the time sheets.
Which you haven't done in a long time.

One day though I hope you can grow up, invest in a decent PR manager and start letting your drivers have a voice.
And finally focusing on the car again.
Becoming the team I remember so well in the noughties.
Becoming amazing.

Signed secretly.
Female Formula Fun.

Don't forget if you want to hear more F1 ramblings you can follow me on twitter @squiffany

OZZIE PROIDE

So anyone who follows me at twitter knows about my slight obsession for anything Australian.

So it makes sense that I seem to like Mark Webber.
Not just for his singing. Honest. 

Now last year was always going be a tough year for Webber.
A young, smart, charismatic world champion for a team mate in Sebastian Vettel.

And a team in Red Bull that generally focuses on bringing new, fresh talent into F1. 

After the loss of Rubens Barrichello from F1 in 2012. (I'm still in mourning over this.)
It seems likely that in the next couple of years we are going to lose Webber too.
Sadly in part due to his age. Mark does turn thirty six this year.

That is why in 2012. The year of the Olympics, my quarter of century and the Muppets movie.
That I'm putting my two pence in, on Mark Webber winning the world championship.


Here are my reasons why.

One.
I assume (We haven't seen pre-testing yet) that the Red Bull car will be quick and like last year reliable.
So winning car. Check.

Two.
Good end to a season, good start to a new one.

I like to believe in this theory.
Mark won the last race of the year (Okay, mainly down to a Vettel car failure but still)
So confidence will be at a high and hopefully will be maintained to the start of the new F1 year.

Three.
Mark Webber is one of the nice guys in F1.
They say nice guys finish last but I'm desperate for that to not happen to Webber.
Mark seems so down to earth and I would really love him to do well.

Like Rubens before him. I would love it if Mark went (When the time comes) out with a bang and a world championship under his arm.
I would also love Webber to get better starts of the grid but you can't wish for everything. If so I would have had that Ferrari by now.

But sadly though.
I'm not Mystic Tiff.

But I'm the same person who predicted a podium for Nick Heidfeld in Malaysia last year.
And that Fernando Alonso would win a championship whilst he was still driving baby steps in a Minardi.


So maybe just maybe it could happen.
*Crosses fingers*

Who do you think is going to win the 2012 championship?
Let me know what you think.

To hear more of my ramblings about F1 and the general state of my ovaries. Follow me on twitter at @squiffany

Dance yourself dizzy..ish.

Since it's the F1 off season and not much seems to be going down in China town.
I thought I would mention the latest video's I have seen from Ferrari's Vrooom 2012.

Now lately what I love about F1 is when F1 teams have a party. The drivers really let their hair down.
So in honour of seeing drivers in different lights.
I thought I would compile the best of them.

This post focuses on the F1 dancers.
The ones who really know how to boogie.

Now Ferrari Vrooom 2012 produced it's own set of F1 dancers.
It might be more like line dancing but I enjoyed it.
(Don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart....)


So whilst Mark Webber moves his hips in a undulating motion. I cry at the prospect that an F1 driver is better at dancing then me.


I'm no Inspector Columbo here but I suspect that this may not be Fernando Alonso dancing...


Now here is my all time favourite dancing driver.
It is of course. My Dad.
Nick Heidfeld.

Hit it Nick.


Just remember to always "Go Nick, go go go"

Now remember if your in a club and fancy hitting the moves.
Just copy your F1 dancers and dance like no one is watching.

(Warning: Your chances of pulling may decrease if you actually perform any of the moves seen above.)

To hear more F1 ramblings and uninteresting facts about my life. You can also follow me on twitter @squiffany

An anatomy of my F1 crushes...

Now has any regular reader of FFF knows, F1 Fitty of the week has become a regular staple of this blog.
But over the past few weeks I have been thinking of my own F1 crushes over the years.

It doesn't make pretty reading at times.
So I'm going to take you down embarrassment line and show you my F1 crushes over the years.
So let's start from the beginning.

1998
Heinz Harald Frentzen




Yep this is the worse one of them all. I don't have any excuses, but the excuse I will make is that I was very young and I knew nothing of the world of attractive men.
I have no idea how this one even came about. I think in my hatred of Michael Schumacher. I paired up with Frentzen. I think I felt sorry for him. (Back story: Schumacher's wife dated Frentzen and then left him for Schumacher)
I think this story combined with the underdog factor made Frentzen appealing to me.
The worse thing about this story was that I made a sign that sat on my desk at school saying...

Tiffany Kate Fletcher
             <3
Heinz Harald Frentzen

I'm disgusted with myself.
So lets move on quite quickly.

1999-2001
Jenson Button. 


When the boy from Frome first stepped into F1. I knew he would be my first true love.
From the photo of Heat I placed on my bedroom door to the letter I wrote to his fan club.
(I literally had no shame, but I got a nice signed photo back. Still to this day I have no idea if it's real though.)



I loved him for years, then when I was 13 he made some really stupid boyish comments about women in F1, which put me off him for a long time.
In jist saying how could women drive in F1 with big boobs etc etc.
(I didn't bare in mind that at the time Jenson made the comments he was pretty young and less media trained then he is now)

But that was it.
I lost my faith.
But everything changed in 2001.

2001-2007
Fernando Alonso.


Literally this love affair lasted longer then any of my real relationships.
(Which says a lot about the state of my love life.)

In fact because of my Alonso love. I ended up helping out on Fernando Alonso forum for about a year and ended up meeting some of the friends I still have on Facebook and Twitter now.

I used to tell anyone who would listen that I would marry Alonso one day. The day he got married actually was a heartbreaker.
(Fast forward to his divorce this year and the 2006 me would of been jumping for joy. Alas 2011 me wasn't that bothered)

Now I probably would of loved Alonso forever but the year he joined McLaren is when the crush died for me.
Mainly because he insulted British fans, saying we all supported Hamilton and  to be honest in general Alonso was just a bit of a dick.
His smugness was off putting. Forever.

So even though looking back I can't understand why I fancied Alonso. Maybe it was the eyebrows...who knows.
I still think he is an amazing driver. That can never be denied.

So from 2008 onwards there has been a drought in my F1 crush timeline.
I have had the odd dalliance.
There was a brief crush moment in the last few years for Sebastian Vettel, Mark Webber and Nico Rosberg. (Who is on my is on my fridge at the moment. Yeah, long story)

Sometimes I even go back to Button and Alonso.

But I worked out a while a go. That it doesn't matter how pretty the drivers are.
(Even though I blog about that side of F1 constantly. )

It's about the racing.
And it will always be about that.
True story.

Any interesting F1 crushes?
Comment or you can twitter me @squiffany

Let's put our fingers together.

Last weekend Vettel won the Championship title.
Last weekend I was hastily making plans to move house.

This week is my move, so for the last few days I have been clearing out my room and in a box under my bed.
Was some very interesting finds.
(Don't be so dirty minded by the way, it's all F1 related)

One find was a signed Jenson Button photo from his Williams days. No idea if the signature is even real but it's great to remember how baby face Jense used to be. (Bless his cottons)

The other find. Lead me on a thought path. 

In the box along with the Jenson photo was a pile of old F1 racing magazines from 2006/2007

And on the front of the October issue was this.

We now know this pose has Vettel finger.
But it definitely wasn't Vettel finger.
It was Alonso finger.

And this got me to wondering.
Who started this in F1?

Is it every World champion?
Or most race winners?

So I have created myself and my readers a small challenge.
I want to see how many F1 drivers have done the number one finger.
I will then compile a blog post with has many as I and you can find.

Now I may be slightly internet-less for a while.
But I still have twitter on my phone.
So if you see any Number one F1 poses. Then tweet me @squiffany with your best ones.

"It's like Where's Wally but worse"

Top five F1 crashes.

Now this week is the anniversary of the first time I watched Formula One.

Now it's not a celebratory number like 20 or 30 years but I'm very proud to reach my 13th year of Formula One.

So to celebrate I am picking my top five F1 moments from the past 13 years. 

This post is the top five crashes. I don't like crashes, there are not a nice part of Formula One but they happen and luckily everyone in these crashes were okay and so with that here are the top five memorable crashes.

Fernando Alonso: Brazil 2003

In the UK the Brazilian race is at prime time on Sunday night, so on this occasion I was watching with my family. Being a huge Alonso fan at the time. When Alonso crashed into Mark Webber's discarded tyre from a previous crash minutes before. I was in bits. I was shaking and crying. I had to be consoled by my mum because in my head I thought Alonso was really badly injured. 

Mark Webber: European (Valencia) 2010

An eye watering crash, which shows how bad crashes can be if there is a dramatic speed difference between cars.
This didn't make me cry, but I pretty much yelped at this one.
Literally a few yards higher and this could of been a tragedy.




Sergio Perez: Monaco 2011

What made this crash all the more horrifying for me was the moment that Sergio put his hand against his head, bracing himself for the Monaco impact.
Then that white sheet came out.
Sickening moment.
I hope that next year something is done about the Monaco bump.



Robert Kubica: Canada 2007

I remember this crash more vividly then others.
On this day me and my family were round my sisters house to celebrate my Niece's 3rd Birthday.
The F1 got turned on the TV by all the men at the party and me.
Then we saw Kubica's huge crash.
It was the first time for me that a huge crash made me think I had seen an F1 death.
It was that bad I didn't just cry at my sisters.
I went home and cried too.

Even now I struggle to watch.



Most of the field: Spa 1998

Rain + a mistake = Chaos.

Eleven cars were taken out in one fell swoop with what has to be the most cars crashed in F1 history.
It was extremely lucky that the cars hadn't quite got up to racing speeds and that everyone got out uninjured.



Now there have been plenty of F1 accidents and crashes but those five are the ones that stick the most in my mind.
Lets hope the next thirteen years F1 safety keeps on improving and we have another thirteen years of no fatalities in F1.

F1 confessions.

A few years ago I fell in love with post secret.
Post secret is where you write down your deepest darkest secrets, thoughts and feelings and send them in postcard form and every Sunday a selection gets put on the post secrets website.

Here is some examples.





Now recently @tenacious_sd pointed me into an F1 related version of post secret called F1 confessions.
Now the website is at the end of the post but here are just some of my favourite F1 confessions.












Now I have put two confessions in myself as well.
(I had to, I couldn't resist and people who know my F1 tastes might have a good clue what they might be about)

But I am loving this tumblr and I'm hoping that by spreading the word. More F1 confessions will come out the woodwork and into the light of day.

After all a F1 confession shared is a F1 confession halved.

To see and submit your F1 confessions go to.
http://formula1confessions.tumblr.com/

To see the post secret postcards go to.
http://www.postsecret.com/

F1 Fitty of the week.

Now this week's F1 fitty does hold a special place in my heart.
Mainly because I loved him for several years.

Even now that love has died down a little. I still smile every time I see him.
This week's fitty of the week is Fernando Alonso.

Now this Spanish beauty is very much the silent assassin when it comes to his looks.
I've have found out that Alonso is usually fancied after a period of time rather then straight away.
But this doesn't make him any less pretty.

With his big /green/brown eyes, dreamy Spanish accent and interchangeable hair.
How could you not fall in love with Fernando?

Alonso is also respected has one of the greatest drivers on the grid today.
Having driven in the top teams and the mid-field Alonso knows how to get the best out of a car.
He's also the youngest double world champion ever.

Not bad for someone who only last week turned 30.

Like all F1 drivers. Fernando is a man of many talents.
One of these talents is Magic.


He could work his magic on me anytime.
(Oh I need to get out of the house)

Fernando may not be the most liked in F1.
He can be controversial.
We all remember the 2007 season...

But now he's matured and got his place sorted at Ferrari.
People are remembering again why they fell in love with Alonso.

But for me.
It's photo's like this.
That prove that he deserves a place has fitty of the week.

And a little place in my heart...

The Alonso advert.

So Fernando Alonso is on our Telly box lately doing some promoting for the new Fiat 500 twin air.
Now what I love... is the version of Fernando Alonso the Brits get.

So this is what the Italians get.


This is what the Spanish get.


And this what the UK gets.


Now I have a slight suspicion (Detect the sarcasm) that poor little Fernando has been dubbed.
Mainly because he sounds like Speedy Gonzales.
Not like the normal Alonso who is normally heard just whinging and moaning
But don't worry people of the UK because he also dubbed in German too. Hoorah.

And the German advert actually makes Alonso sound sinister.
*Shivers*



Next time advertisers.
If you know a Formula One driver can speak multiple languages.
Just get them to do the advert in all the languages.

Even if it does mean that you will have to sack the Speedy Gonzales voice over man.

My eyes. My unprudish F1 eyes.

Well after an interesting F1 week. Where all my best F1 plans had quite literally gone to the dogs or in this case the hospital.

I was getting prepared for another F1 week until Monaco.

Then I decided to clear out some emails.

This was a bad move.

I found an email sent to me in 2006.

With a link called Things to come.

Now I knew it was something F1 related because of the person who sent it to me.

Now this email was technically some F1 fan fiction.

That is nothing bad until I read on.

Because it was f1 fan fiction with a twist.

More a man on man sexy twist.

It was basically slash porn.

Slash in jist is written fiction involving real life celebrities or TV show characters.

It usually involves people from the same sex.

I explain it in more detail here.

Now has promised in the video.

I am going to give you some snippets of "Things to come"

It involves Fernando Alonso and Kimi Raikkonen. (It was 2006)

(This photo may not be the best in hindsight)...In your end....do

Now I can't give you the really juicy stuff because I don't fancy getting banned from blogger anytime soon.

But if you are really desperate to read the more lewd version. I can email it you.

But here is the more interesting (Less rude) and slightly more wrong pieces of dialogue.

"Damn it, Kimi, stop playing around and unlock the bloody cuffs. What if Ron or someone else finds me," Fernando spluttered.

"That doesn't mean I'm not going to punish you. I'm still annoyed with you for cutting off all your lovely hair."

Fernando looked up at Kimi, "You'll enjoy me coming from behind ... to win."

The atmosphere thick with promise, Kimi stared into Fernando's laughing eyes and slowly raised the zip over taut white cotton.

My eyes still haven't recovered.

My mouth still can't stop laughing.

I need to know if this is still going on 2011.

Who is classed has F1 slash totty these days?

Well especially now that Kimi is gone....

So thoughts/views and opinions really welcome.

I am sorry that it's a more ruder post this week.

Even the most depraved F1 subjects have to be tackled at some point.

So you can comment below or on the youtube video.

You can also message me at squiffany87@gmail.com or on twitter @squiffany.

Cheesy F1 adverts of late.

Hey all.

Hope your already counting down the days till F1 returns.

I know I am.

What has amazed me lately is the amount of F1 commercials that have been banded about.

Now I know there have always been F1 adverts but it just seems like more and more are appearing.

Now I think in the UK it's because we actually have some decent winning and world championship British drivers. In the form of Lewis and Jenson.

Now I know F1 drivers aren't actors but my god.

Some of these adverts hurt my eyes, ears and even my dignity.

Have you tried getting people into F1 when they see adverts like these on the Telly box.

Now that advert was just for the Germans.

But the UK did get something similar a few years earlier.

This advert was also a recent one for us in the UK. Luckily not involving shampoo.
Sadly Nigel must of needed the cash.

Now sadly history is repeating itself with identical shampoo adverts. For Jenson and Sebastian.

(Why does F1 and shampoo always go hand in hand? You never see the drivers hair under a helmet anyway.)

It's just so wrong.

It turns out if you win a world championship then you must have dandruff. Fact.

Just ask Michael Schumacher. In the first F1 advert I ever saw.

Now this one was in Italian (I couldn't find the version I was looking for), we got the same advert but worse.

It was dubbed.

Argggghh.

Mind you I still don't think it will top this.

Though at least this was for a good cause. Promoting milk to youngsters.

This print advert shows that at the end of it all.

Drivers will flog any old tat for cash.

Just ask Fernando Alonso

I would like to say a big thank you and credit Kate or @Petronella on twitter. (Follow her she does great F1 tweets) For spotting this picture in Ideal Homes magazine and for me to be able steal it for my blog.

Comments? Seen any more recent cheesy adverts? Print or video.

Just post below or twitter me @squiffany.